A writer recalls learning that the real purpose of sharing a meal or coffee is to give people a comfortable warm-up before any real talk. The food and drink relieve the pressure of having something to say at every moment, and small talk builds the trust needed to overcome the vulnerability of speech.
The writer, a self-described get-to-the-point person, realized this when their college-age daughter texted that she wanted to talk. When the writer asked what about, she grew annoyed. She asked instead to talk about something stupid, and they spent about half an hour on politics and other light topics before she slowly raised the real issue. The writer had never grasped how much a person might need that warm-up before feeling ready to discuss something uncomfortable.
Language is imprecise, feelings are hard to put into words, and social missteps carry real costs. Cultural rituals such as chit-chat and coffee exist to make sensitive conversation feel safe. The writer suspects these rituals are largely intuitive, rarely stated outright.
This insight leads the writer to a critique of Twitter. Its 140-character format pushes people straight to the point and leaves no room for the conversational rituals that defuse tension. Without them, the problems those rituals prevent, such as misunderstanding and conflict, flood in, which may explain why many users eventually hit a wall with the platform.
Source: Hacker News · Summarized by HeadlinesBriefing