John Murray, Ian Dennis & Ali Bruce-Ball discuss life as football commentators. From the handshake/handclasp debate to looking ahead to the Manchester derby. Will Ian’s losing streak in Clash of the Commentators continue? What will be the Unintended Pub Name of the Week, and which terms and phrases will be added to the Great Glossary of Football Commentary? Messages and voicenotes welcome on WhatsApp to 08000 289 369 & emails to [email protected].

01:15 Ian back from Portugal, 04:20 Handshakes or hand clasps? 09:00 Arsenal’s strong start continues, 11:05 How the weekend looks on 5 Live, 16:25 Will Enzo Maresca rotate? 19:45 Craziest local derbies… 26:15 Best terms for 5/6 goals? 32:40 Clash of the Commentators, 44:25 Unintended Pub Name of the Week, 49:30 Great Glossary of Football Commentary.

5 Live / BBC Sounds commentaries: Sat 1500 Liverpool v Fulham, Sat 1500 Chelsea v Hull City on Sports Extra 2, Sat 1730 Spurs v Everton, Sun 1400 Coventry v Brighton & Hove, Sun 1630 Man Utd v Man City.

Great Glossary of Football Commentary: DIVISION ONE 50p head Agricultural challenge, Back of the net, Back to square one, Backside and elbows, The Beautiful Game, Booked, Bosman, Bullet header, Caretaker manager, Channel of joy, Coupon buster, Cruyff Turn, Cultured/educated left foot, Dead-ball specialist, Draught excluder, Elastico/flip-flap, False nine, Fox in the box, Giving the goalkeeper the eyes, Grub hunter, Head like a biscuit tin, Head like a sheriff’s badge, Head tennis, Hibs it, In a good moment, In behind, Lollipop, Magic of the FA Cup, The Maradona, Off their line, Olimpico, Onion bag, Panenka, Parachute payment, Park the bus, Perfect hat-trick, Postage stamp, Put his cap on it, Rabona, Roy of the Rovers stuff, Schmeichel-style, Scorpion kick, Spursy, Stick it in the mixer, Sweeper keeper, Taking it to the corner flag, Target man, Tiki-taka, Towering header, Trivela, Where the kookaburra sleeps, Where the owl sleeps, Where the spiders sleep, You could have two goalkeepers in there and they still wouldn’t have saved it.